David and Goliath

It has recently come to my attention that while my Fall 2008 transcripts from my study abroad are still in shambles, I am powerless to try and motivate the system. This bureaucratic nightmare is actually taking more time out of my life at school than my actual studies. It really shouldn't be this way, nor was it ever intended to. This means, from no actual explicit statement, that I might not be graduating this semester. What does one do when they have completed all listed courses and units, and is still in limbo one week away from the comencement ceremony? One shuts down, at least in my case. I'm finished, disgusted, robbed, and disgraced. I've talked to everyone, written every requested letter of greivance, met with the managment, but to no avail. The past two weeks I can identify a slumping depression, where I have turned to alcohol to alleviate my situation. I want out. I need help. I want what is mine. I've recently discovered an artist who caters all to well to my deepening depression: Lykke Li. Her haunting voice and incredibly real situations serves as the outlet where I can pour all my anger and depression. It seems too fitting that in order to recieve a degree in Political Science that one fight the establishment, the bureaucratic mess that was so slandered in lessons and sentiment. It will all be over soon, one way or another I suppose. Check out Lykke Li's "Tonight". 

Sorrow and Uncertainty

Coming to terms with my fundamental disagreements involving so many aspects of institutionalized expected behavior, I have decided to run away from it all. This semester, and I hate constant referral to University as the source of my grief, I feel large gaps of unfulfilled priority have been super ceded by academia. So much of my devotion and work has poured over the structured demands of professors, who know what they do. This hardship isn't voluntary, as so many might assume. My academic studies for a diploma exists now unrecognized as necessity. This fact alone leaves the false impression that certain aspects of mandatory coursework are "for the greater good" rather than what they really are: academic minutiae. Combined with constant reverberated complaint from professor to pupil, unwelcome assignments, and catastrophic economic realities for so many, this graduation comes not as a relief, but more of a complete disappointment. I literally feel I might have wasted three years of my life. Not to completely blame the University (although after four years of tuition payments much is left to be desired), but the morale and social reality of San Jose is simply contrary to academic success. Students commute, attend courses, and leave. The lack of community and conducive environments where students can engage and imbibe their studies is so disheartening that SJSU might as well be a corporate employer (and a bad one at that). In short, I could care less about a piece of paper with the thanks of the bureaucrats. I want my money back. 

Drama Versus Theatrics: Ode to Mary Poppins

More on self-analysis if you can believe it: I'm theatrical. Allow me to explain. One very important point I've noticed in comparison with my attitude and most others I know is my ability to be easy. I have extraordinary few biases and qualms with anything or anyone. It might be this ability that allows me to get along with most everyone I meet. It came to me today, listening to my friends reconcile their differences among lies after lies of "he said, she said" minutiae. I seem to be the great decider by proxy or even default with so many things; and yet I still cant seem to manage my own agenda. I'm sure there isn't a single person who feels entirely looked after, (at least I hope not), but I feel that too many people are immature. Let me explain my vanity. When confronted with conflict, either amongst friends or otherwise, I never get angry in the moment, or rather never enough to inhibit my train of rational thought or word choice. I can always maintain a strict sense of self and objectivity, at least I like to think so. Its because I tell the truth, regardless to consequences intended or not. I just do it with finesse. This is what pardons me from being dramatic. I can say with some certainty that my behavior and lifestyle is rather flamboyantly theatrical, but never dramatic in the lasting sense. This interesting objectivity is a symbol of maturity on my behalf, demonstrating the responsibility I'm willing to take for my actions. Too much around me is quite the reverse. The world is full of Queens who can't live in the truth. It's time to bid adieu, open up the umbrella, and fly off into the clouds once again.

Caviar and Cigarettes

I came bursting out with such an interesting quote the other afternoon that I had to pause a minute to admire myself. "I don't think I need another day of what somebody else has to say." At first glance, this rather simple quip is but a drop in the pond of ordinary conversation. Placed in context however, and it makes a powerful gesture to my ego and self-conviction of where I'm going in life. Essentially, I've tried to reach out for guidance, and all I seem to find is a lack thereof. I hate not having direction. Well, that aside, I have found the best Champagne in my entire life: Trader Joe's Blanc de Blanc. Its marvelous price tag of $4.49 per bottle tickles my tummy before the bubbles themselves do! I just can't say enough about it. Champagne is the cure to any disappointment, and has done so many times this semester. Many of my new found friends are living in constant crisis these days; blaming their situation on anyone but themselves. They have done it so well that I almost found myself following suit. And then it happened. Three days ago, in COMM 10, we learned about the Chinese hybrid character for the word crisis: danger and opportunity. That left me flustered for a few hours, trying to apply this new information to my situation. The opportunity I have found is the ability to return to earth. These next couple weeks will now be my humble return to the grindstone. To work where I must. To graduate and close this chapter of my life, only to move foreward into uncertainty and excitment.